Monday, December 19, 2011

For My Son

I was having a lot of problems, a problem that sometimes i want to give up. Financials and Job. I what they say a below average familly. Why ? cause everyday i have to think how we can survive a day being happy, survive a day just to have enough food just for even twice a day.

It hurts me so much to think our situation, maybe someone who's getting this situation might give up. But every hour, every minute i wish my family could survive.

I don't exagerate or made things up. why should I ? we are expatriates who visited other countries to find a job, but unfortunately our debt just came bigger than we anticipated. Banks are calling now and then, harassing us and for my current situation i have to pay a lot of things. Electricity and water Bill, House Rent, Transportation and everyday food allowance or budget.

Having a not so good sallary i dont have any choice but to accept reality, i must give a little budget for my transport. For the food , i think once a day would be enough for me.

But what i care most is about my child, my boy. I had barely enough time to spend with him and i know im not being a good parent. I should have given him some more time and something a child should get.

I was very envious whenever i see family having a good time, to which they really do. But us we have to pretend we also do but deep inside cant even give something that they might be really happy.

My child grow up to be 4yr old, having a little of his own, and i wonder is he happy about that? Maybe.

You know what ? despite all of things that are happening to me and wife, one things that always calm me down... My boy saying "Daddy are you okay?" and that make me really happy. Even for  his age knowing that by looking at me he know we had a lot of problems keep on saying "Daddy are you okay ? Daddy, Mommy I love you". as just to make us smile.

Then i have to remind myself... For my son.. I will keep on living and will keep on fighting.. who knows until when, but i will not give up...Will never give up.